The Good Rabbi's Blog

Well here it is, my first weblog. I suppose that I should tell you a little bit about myself, so you'll have a decent prism within which to view my posts. I've often described my friend Peter as one third Hunter Thompson, one third Eric Cartman, and one third Frasier Crane. My celebrity makeup would be something like one third Eric Cartman, one third "The Dude" (from The Big Lebowski, and one half "Doctor Gonzo" (the rotten attorney) from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (yes I'm aware of the mathematical intricacies here, but that really is my celebrity makeup). As such, I chose to name this site after the rotten attorney, Judaified as I am. Instead of the Good Doctor, I am the Good Rabbi, and I'm here to provide my own particular brand of spiritual advice to you, my esteemed readers.

After a refreshing trip back east, I'm back in California now, starting the next block of courses. First up on the docket: Butchery. In this class, I'm learning about the various cuts of meat and fish, and which cuts are best suited for which cooking methods.

Today, my housemate Michael received his first serenity gong. It sent his two cats, which I have named General Tso and Stir Fry running for the comfort of the other bedroom. Frankly, they probably would have been better off with the chinchillas (of which we have three).

The New York Times had an article the other day regarding some individuals in New York who are eternally unemployed. The interesting thing is that I've seen a lot more of these people since I moved to the west coast. While it's no secret that people out here are not as fast-paced as those back east, it really startles me just how lackadaisical these people are, and how disinclined they are to actually do anything.

One of the things that I missed yesterday, which I had intended to share (from that article) is the following quote:

Ms. Trunfio got up to leave, and Mr. Melnick walked her out. They stood by his black Vespa, which has custom black matte rims, racing tires and a pipe that makes it sound like a Harley.

There's not much more to say other than that. He bought a Vespa, tricked out the rims, and put a pipe to make it sound like a Harley. The sad fact is, it's like an ice sculpture at a wedding: a completely pointless waste of money. No matter what he does to it, he's still driving a Vespa. You just can't be taken seriously if you drive a Vespa....

You know, sometimes it's comforting that no matter how far I am from "home" (wherever that is), there are some things that just don't change. I suppose that's even comforting when those particular things infuriate me. For example, one thing that I've always said unites us as human beings is that we all consider ourselves good drivers. I've only met three people in my life who have actually claimed not to be a good driver.

It's been a while since my last update. I've been taking Baking & Pastry for the past few weeks, and I have been SLAMMED with work. I will have some updates posted soon, as today was my final exam, so now I have some time. In the meantime, I thought I would post a link to some pictures I took last weekend at a trip to Yosemite National Park. The park was one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. It kind of makes me feel very small compared to what the glaciers made around me.

As if I needed any further proof that I'm stuck in the 80's. I just took an 80's music quiz, and did pretty well on it (I only missed three). Fits in with my overall impression that the quality of music has really fallen flat after 1987.

A friend of mine alerted me to this article, which I thought was a very interesting point about our society. The whole jedi knight metaphor is a bit tired and overplayed, but the final paragraphs make some very cogent points. What is especially troubling is that our society is not only technically ignorant, but that they are not even curious.

Well, I've reached the point in my curriculum when I'm learning about computers. As you may have figured, I'm bored silly. I originally thought that this would be about restaurant management systems (you know, the computers that route your orders to the kitchen, keep track of inventory, manage food costing, etc.) but as it turns out, this class is about Word and Excel.

Well, since everyone and their brother has been talking about Hurricane Katrina, and most of their comments have, in the words of Shakespeare, been "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing," I thought I'd chime in briefly.

Recently I've been amazed at how in our society we not only do weird things, but we also feel the need to inform the whole world about it. It started with this retarded guy singing along to his favourite songs.

I've been providing spiritual advice to my friend Peter for thirteen years now. We're about ready for a Bar-Mitzvah, for crying out loud! Not too long ago, he repayed the favour by introducing me to the latest VH-1 "reality" show, But Can They Sing? where different celebrities (actors, really) try to sing various popular songs.

This is just a quick note to wish you and your loved ones a very happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy the holiday!

Well, it's that time again. That time of year when everyone seems a little more relaxed and good natured. That's right, it's the holidays. That time of year when people get together with friends and family and see off the year by engaging in excessive gluttony, drinking good wines, puffing on a few good cigars, watching a yule log burn on TV, and listening to non-stop christmas music on the radio (which usually starts right around Halloween).

In an earlier post, I mentioned that this is one of my favourite times of the year. One reason I feel this way is because of all the cool decorations that people put up. This is one of the only times of the year where everyone takes pride in their dwelling. They go to various lengths to decorate their abodes. No matter the size of a given house, it will be decorated to some extent. Hell, even one of the homeless people here in San Francisco plugs in some lights on his cardboard box (he sleeps near an electrical outlet). I have firsthand knowledge that these lights are some of the most frustrating things known to man (much like Barbra Streisand), so I figure that if people will go to the effort required to put these lights up, the least I can do is look at them.

Today's blog entry is being guest-authored by Larry David, of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld fame.

Cowboys Are My Weakness

By Larry David

SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.

To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the movie but liked it. "One of the best love stories ever," one gushed. Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men. You in particular will love it."

"Why me?"

"You just will, trust me."

But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time? I'm a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.

So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.

And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.

I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're gay! You're gay!"

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

I've often thought that one of the various gauges that could be used to see where we're at as a society is how many blades we have on our razors. Tonight, Gilette unveiled its new Fusion razor that has five blades, plus one for good luck on the back.

Is this what we're all about, folks? Do we really need five blades on our razors? Sooner or later they'll come up with an excuse to put 14 blades on the razor, and before you know it, we'll be facing some sort of Y2K problem for razors. Frankly, I think this is all a bunch of horse manure. I'm no expert, but I don't think that 5 blades will give me anything above and beyond 3. Supposedly they did this to relieve pressure (if I'm to belive their commercials), but I've never felt much pressure from the 3 blades I currently use. What's next?

Well, it's been a long hard road, but I'm starting my final week of culinary coursework today. This week, I'm pulling together my group's work for our final project (making sure that all of our projections meet the budget, and if not, rejiggering everything until they do). This class has been very insightful in two ways. First, I've learned a lot about catering management, and how it's different from regular restaurant management. Second, I've reinforced the fact that I hate group projects.

You know, your Rabbi has led quite a life thus far, and in the course of my life's journeys, I've wondered about a few things. Personally, I'd like science to be able to definitively answer these questions, but I don't think that will ever happen. These are all based on my own observations, so feel free to add your thoughts via the comment functionality.

Well, it's one of my least favourite times of year - Passover. I'm waiting for the year when it decides (you should see this coming) to "pass over" those of us that can't stand this holiday. Now don't get me wrong, I've heard all the arguments about how it's the seminal holiday (other than Yom Kippur), and it has the whole tie to the rest of the Judaic world, but to be honest, I can't get past the fact that I have to eat the world's crappiest food for a week.

Well, it was bound to happen. After ten years of faithful service, Otis has finally kicked the bucket. While the car is technically still driveable, it has no third gear, so it doesn't go any faster than twenty miles per hour. How the hell am I going to stay ahead of those damn federal marshals if I can't drive faster than twenty miles per hour? I've had lots of memories with this car - many years of daily commutes to the job, road trips, outrunning the Alabama state police with a certain disgracefully aging gentleman, while all the while arguing over appropriate chase music - and it was a good car while it lasted. Unfortunately, the price tag of the repairs it needs now is simply too much for me to rationalise. Updates will come when a new car enters the picture, and the car is appropriately named. In the meantime, I've decided to donate Otis to the American Lung Association. Hopefully he'll be of service to someone that needs a car as tough as he is. Good luck, Otis, and godspeed.

This just about knocked me over when I saw it. This is some funny shite right here, yo. Check it out by clicking here.

This week, your Rabbi finds himself back in the Bay area of California, for a few days of rest and respite, with a culinary school graduation ceremony thrown in for good measure. This really is a weird feeling for me, as on one hand, I do truly miss this area, as I think that it has a city feel and vibe that isn't matched in DC (although in all fairness, that may be because of my crazy schedule, and that I haven't had the opportunity to really get settled in to DC yet). On the other hand, however, this is a crazy place, and I don't think I quite fit in with the liberal vibe here.

It really amazes me how this is such a beautiful area, with both the bayside & oceanside coasts, wine country, and amazing scenery right here, yet at the same time, people here just seem to take that for granted. Maybe at some point in the future I'll be able to afford living out here, and maybe I'll be able to have more of a life out here, but for the time being, I'm happy I'm back closer to friends and family on the East coast. I'll just have to come out here every so often so I can continue to appreciate everything (both good and bad) that this city has to offer...

Just when you thought it was safe to indulge in some culture, and head to the symphony for a nice evening of opera, along comes Tonya & Nancy: The Opera. Sid & Nancy is one thing, but this is really quite another...

It started as an arcade game, quickly became a fad, morphed into a fitness routine, and now it's about to become a TV show on a major national network. That's right, Dance Dance Revolution is about to become more than just a way for kids to get all sweaty at the movie theater arcade. This fall, CBS will debut its new series, Dance Revolution (apparently they decided "Dance Dance" was redundant), featuring the best and brightest of America's youth pounding out the beats and showing off their moves. I'm not remotely convinced that televised DDR will prove to be the spectacle CBS is probably hoping for, but it's no dumber than competitive air guitar.

As Michael Caine said so eloquently in the latest Austin Powers flick, "There are two types of people I can't stand - those that are intolerant of each others cultures, and the Dutch." Maybe this is one reason why...

This article comes from Reuters. Frankly, I think it's an interesting idea. Takes the whole timeshare thing to a new level.

If you've ever dreamed of living the simple life on a tropical island, a new online eco-tourism venture could turn that fantasy into reality for just a few hundred dollars.

Tribewanted.com -- a new spin on the concept of timeshare vacations -- is the brainchild of two British entrepreneurs who are seeking 5,000 people to join an online community to oversee the sustainable development of a 200-acre (81-hectare) Pacific island.

For a fee ranging from $220 to $660, members can join the "tribe" for one to three years and buy the right to visit the island of Vorovoro in Fiji for between one and three weeks.

The three-year project will be filmed for a documentary and weekly videos will be available online, but organizers say a key principle is: "This is not reality TV -- it's real life."

"Unlike reality television, this isn't about the game," co-founder Ben Keene said Tuesday. "There is no winner, there's no voting people off."

"This is about real people coming together with a real purpose, to work in partnership with a real tribal community," he told Reuters in New York during a recruitment trip.

Around 500 people have signed up so far, ranging in age from 18 to 67. "We've got people from about 18 different countries already, so this idea of creating a United Nations tribe is really coming together," Keene said.

The ecological aspect is fundamental to the project, which has a budget of 1 million pounds ($1.9 million).

'VERY SIMPLE SUSTAINABLE VILLAGE'

"It may not sound like a lot, but we're looking at a very simple sustainable village, not big concrete structures," Keene said. "As much as this is an adventure for everyone involved, we're also trying to raise awareness about ecological living."

Tribe members will design the infrastructure of the island, from solar power systems to nonpolluting toilet facilities.
Experts will work with the local tribal chief, Tui Mali, to make key decisions along with the tribe members who will vote online for what they want.

"At any one time you've got the 4,900 people in the online community and 100 on the island," Keene said.

Keene, who has been running an alternative travel Web site, said co-founder Mark James proposed the idea as a way to use online communities for something tangible in the real world.

"Instead of just sharing music or chatting or whatever, we can say we've got a purpose, we want to create a sustainable, ecological village that we can then go visit," Keene said.

"We went online and we went island hunting, posing as millionaire businessmen to all these brokers around the world," Keene said, adding that they considered islands from Central America to the Philippines before settling on Fiji.

Vorovoro currently has four inhabitants -- Tui Mali and his brother and their wives, all from the neighboring island of Mali. "It's the head chief's privilege to live on Vorovoro," Keene said. "He wants to open up this space to bring money into the community, to support education and the local fishermen."

Tribewanted.com has a three-year lease, after which it will revert to the local community.

Transportation to Fiji is not included in the membership fee.

When members visit, starting in September, they can choose to help build facilities, go fishing or just read a book on the beach. Carpenters and others with useful skills are encouraged to join, but Keene said anyone with a sense of adventure was welcome.

"We're looking for people who have ideas for how they'd like to pass on their skills, whether they're yoga instructors or sports teachers or maybe artists," he said.

I actually have no words for what you're about to see. It's basically how Connie Chung thought to end the show she's been doing with her husband Maury Povich. Frankly, I don't see how some people are calling this a damning indictment of mainstream media. This is more suitable for Tom Cruise these days. Besides, Connie Chung has no one but herself to blame for the tanking of her career.

Well, I have now read the single dumbest idea (accordingly, it was awarded a patent by the United States Patent & Trademark Office). The basic idea for this invention is to password-protect bullets, so that in order to fire them in a gun, a password must be entered on a keypad attached to the gun that would match a password in the cartridge itself. You can read about the invention here, and you can see the patent awarded here.

You know, I sometimes wonder what the world would be like without Japanese television. Those game shows are ridiculous. In this particular show, it's not a game, just a "candid camera meets Punk'd" sort of thing. No English in this clip, but you should get the point...

I apologise for the recent dearth of posts, I've been tackling a home improvement project of sorts with the girlfriend. Basically, we've painted most of the house: two bedrooms, the "hallway" (all two square feet of it), the stairway, and the living room. The woman that lived here before I moved in had a slight obsession with wall hangings, so the amount of spackling (and later, sanding) that needed to be done was incredible. I'm still cleaning up the dust. The good news, however, is that I'm pretty much done. From this point forward, it's basically just touching up spots I missed. As such, I thought I'd post a couple videos I made that show the before and after shots. I apologise for the graininess of the videos, I shot them on my digital camera. We haven't gotten the decor done yet (the girlfriend is hard at work on that now), but everything is in motion. More posts are on their way. In the meantime, here are the before and after videos.

This is an interesting ad from Smirnoff, and I guess it's how they roll in the MV (Martha's Vineyard, for those of you not up on your preppy white-boy rap lingo). The winning line is:

My tea in the parlor, makes the ladies holla...

This morning, the girlfriend passed an article from Salon.com to me. It was authored by Stephen Hirsch, a software developer from Passaic, New Jersey, who apparently fancies himself an authority on Halacha, the tomes of Judaic law that govern everyday living. What follows is the response I posted on Salon's site (not that it matters, I'm just a simple fake Rabbi, that happens to have a pretty good knowledge of Halacha).

Here's something different. How can you look at this and not be happy?

As some of you may know, your Rabbi will again find himself a productive member of society. It started as the Winter of the Rabbi, then went to Spring, then Summer, then skipped Autumn and went straight back to Winter again. After leaving the corporate world for a while, working for a restaurant, and then graduating at the top of my class from culinary school, I once again find myself employed in the business world.

Now, I know what you're thinking. I have not abandoned the culinary training I received, but I'm also not as young as I used to be, and the long hours, unpredictable paychecks, and bad back ultimately made me decide to take a more stable job to pay the bills. During this time, I will most likely pursue some culinary work on the side, in a part-time manner so I'll be able to keep my hand in all of this. Nothing is certain, but now, it will be much easier to pay off my student debt, while I'm thinking about where to go from here...

Here's my take for the photo of the day....

Well, that's it. I'm sold. After seeing this ad, I'm going right out to buy a Microsoft Xbox 360...

Well, it had to happen sometime. After two plus years of trying to make it look official, we decided to make it official, and we are now engaged. No details yet on the wedding, but I'm sure you'll see newsreel footage on either America's Most Wanted or E! True Hollywood Story. So, my dear readers, meet your new Rebbitzin:

For all my Jewish peeps, I thought I'd pass this on... Happy new year, y'all...

As it will surely surprise no one, I am a huge fan of Larry David and his HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm. If nothing else, it makes me look at this one man train wreck, and realise that my life is not as crazy as his is. I mean, there's always something simple that needs to be done, and you get the impression that a class-A fuck-up is about to occur. It makes for some compelling television.

Anyway, all of this glorious craziness is now available in book form. The book is going to be released on October 16th, but you can preorder from Amazon now. The book sells for $19.80, which Amazon claims is a 34% savings off the listing price.

Thanks to a certain disgracefully aging gentleman, I came across this brilliant impression of President Bush. His Clinton impression is also pretty spot-on too...

Over the past few months, the woman has had this standing engagement that several women she knows would come over and watch Project Runway on the Bravo network. Well, actually, it wound up being the woman and me watching most of the time, but every so often some other people would show up. I must admit, it was quite interesting watching these four rejects of questionable sexuality actually design some of the weirdest clothing I've ever seen.

Basically, the final four were represented by the following stereotypes. First, there was the uptight woman that was a mother of five children (with another one in the oven). She has made some very elegant stuff over the course of the competition, but the problem is that it looks very old and dated, and she makes the same damn dress every time. Then there was the Black man that wanted to add a little thuggish street cred, who seemed all too cognisant of the fact that he'd probably get his ass kicked in the hood because he designs dresses. Then there was the happy foreign girl that lives in Miami Beach. Everything is sunny in her world, although nobody quite knows what colour the sky is in her world. Finally, there was the punk rock guy with the giant neck tattoo, who like the Black man, hasn't quite figured out that he's designing clothes, and therefore can not be taken seriously.

The trouble is, none of their clothes were really creative, with the exception of the "punk" designer. Ultimately, he wound up winning the gig, but not because his stuff was really cool, but more because everyone else sucked. Last season, I sent my man Raizin down to represent with some good solid rabbinical design principles. He was so good, he even made it to the final four. Check out one of his final projects:

I've been talking about this movie for a while, but the United States is just about ready for Hurricane Borat to make landfall. Sacha Baron Cohen, the comic genius behind Da Ali G Show, has produced a movie that is formally called Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Here are the first four minutes of the movie.

Pardon the crudeness of the image, but there's only so much you can do in a short segment. Does anyone else find this funny?

Recently, I was reading about some of the problems that my best friend was having with Amazon's shipping people. As it turns out, my best friend was trying to order bath salts. My best friend is definitely the disgracefully aging gentleman. He's about six foot three inches tall, with an extremely muscular build (he's about two hundred some odd pounds), and as far as everyone but his wife is concerned, a heterosexual. In other words, he's a man's man. What the hell is he doing with bath salts?

I found this story on the Internet today. Apparently, in honour of his birthday, the entire musical score of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is now available free on the Internet. I'll have to check this out...

Given that it’s December, and that nothing ever gets done in the government, especially around this time of year, I decided to take a little time off from attending meetings, and working as a professional Powerpoint analyst (which is a fancy way of saying that I look at Powerpoint presentations all day). During this time, I decided that there was only one thing to do: get the f**k out of town.

So, at this point, I’m on a free-wheeling spiritual advice tour, that has taken me to Austin, Texas, and will take me to the triangle area of North Carolina to check in on a certain disgracefully-aging gentleman, and one other location that is somewhat of a mystery at this point. My plan is to bring my computer with me, and as such to place postings on my blog with updates of my travels. I guess you could say that it’s sort of like Uncle Traveling Matt from Fraggle Rock.

As I write this, I am currently on a plane back from Austin, Texas, where I dropped in on the Cohen kids, and their erstwhile parents for a visit. I always enjoy hanging out with them, and not just because they’ll be family in a matter of months (I already see them that way, even if I haven’t gotten married as of yet). They are genuinely good people that always make me realise that there is more to life than Powerpoint presentations. The travails of one of the kids (the other one hasn’t been born yet) have always interested me, because she’s quite the charmer. She was somewhat suspicious of me in the beginning (who wouldn’t be?), but over time she seems to have realised that even she needs a Rabbi, and well, I’m not going away anytime soon.

Check out her latest goings-on, and some particularly poignant commentary from her parents over at her blog (link is above and in the links section to the right of this post).

Next stop: North Carolina – Let the Knob Creek Floweth!

Here we are right smack-dab in the middle of the holiday season. This is always a very interesting time for me. On one hand, I have to admit that I love this time of year. People seem to be in a more generous mood, as they invite me into their homes to break bread, listen to the stories of how things are going in my life, and share their whisky with me. Ok, well maybe they don’t intend to share their whisky, but I seem to be a much more dynamic party guest if they do. I’ve always loved the decorations that people put up (even the downright horrifying ones). Nothing says “holiday spirit” like a giant inflatable Santa Claus jack-in-the-box on the front lawn, with enough lights around it that the Federal Aviation Administration becomes concerned.

On the other hand, I always tend to get a little depressed around this time of year as well. Maybe it’s the knowledge that the book is closing on another year, that I still don’t seem to be doing what I want to be doing (or know what it is I want to be doing for that matter), or maybe it’s just that I seem to have run out of Scotch. I just seem to feel like I’ve lost my direction (if there ever was one) around this time of year. While I have always claimed that I can deal with one sucky area of my life, if the other parts are in order, I’m finding it more difficult to differentiate everything, since it all seems to blend together these days.

Professionally, I always used to tell myself that while my IT job may suck, at least I’m not working as a government contractor. Now, I’m working as a government contractor, and while my overall schedule is good, I’m routinely forced into a prisoner’s dilemma. I can either accept a standard of mediocrity and just face a decline of all standards that I once had, or I can keep my current standards, and grow more and more frustrated. I’ve been there for three months now, and I have yet to actually do (or deliver) anything. While some people would love this kind of setup, I grow bored fairly quickly and easily.

I’m currently researching ideas to build my own business, and I think that would give me some serious enjoyment, but at the same time, I have my student debt to pay off, and the fiancée and I don’t really anticipate staying in the Washington, D.C. area, so I’m not sure that it’s a good idea to put a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears into setting up a business here. I simply don’t know how portable a business in the culinary industry can be (it should be noted, that for all I know, it could be very portable).

In the movie Almost Famous, the young Cameron Crowe is counseled by a sage reporter (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman), that he shouldn’t worry so much about those people that “persecute” him in school or on the road. He will see them again on “the great race back to the middle.” After a certain point in life, it seems that people start this slow, comfortable, mental decline. People get comfortable, and start doing the same things over and over again, and before they know it, they’re retired, and wondering what happened to their lives.

This is my biggest fear in life. I love to continually challenge myself, mentally, professionally, and personally. I am very afraid that I’ll get “stuck” in a routine that, while rewarding in some sense, will ensure that I never really accomplish anything of real substance. Now let’s be clear about one thing here. I’m not looking to be the next Bill Gates, or Mario Batalli. But right now, I’m working at my current job in order to pay off my student loans (so that sense of mission and responsibility is what keeps me going in this job). Once that has been accomplished, I will have gotten married, and the fiancée has made no secret that she would like to start a family. At that point, I will need to be able to reliably support any little Rabbis that might be in the picture, and the temptation to choose comfort over challenge will be great.

Now this is not to say that I have any worries about getting married, or starting a family. This is also not to say that I will not derive tremendous enjoyment out of both of these anticipated future events. This is to say that I personally believe that the greatest example I can set (especially for any little Rabbis in the future) would be to continually challenge myself, and not to choose the comfortable routine.

My biggest fear in life, is that at the end of the day, I will not live up to my own potential. There are many different avenues that will be presented to me, and I’ll have to figure out what is the best way forward. With all these options, only one thing is clear: I’m gonna need a lot of spiritual advice before this is over…

Merry Christmas, y'all...

I was checking out some web sites tonight, and decided to check up on Frank Caliendo's. He is the comedian that did the Bush impression I posted not too long ago on this site. He was on Letterman again, and his clip is below. This man does a dead-on John Madden. Incredible...

I was looking through some various articles recently, and came across something interesting. Recently, there has been a major housing bubble rising in Tel Aviv, with prices rising about 70% in the past year and a half (apartments on Hayarkon street currently go for about $15,000 per square metre). There's definitely a bubble there.

A lot of Israelis are looking for slightly higher living though. It seems that over 1,000 Israelis bought property on the moon in December. A loophole in land-registry laws led an American speculator to register the moon and all of the planets in the solar system in the 1970s. Now one million lunar acres—10% of the quantity sold—are reportedly owned by Israelis. Those prepared to pay 500 shekels ($120) per dunam (roughly a quarter of an acre) receive an aerial photograph of their plot and an ownership certificate. Vendors of this space-land include Crazyshop (site is in Hebrew), an Israeli online operation. The company's chief says demand is high because NASA has decided to construct a base on the moon and speculators think lunar property prices are set to soar.

Warning: This video contains language and scenes which may be disturbing to some viewers. It's definitely NSFW, so make sure your volume is lowered, or you're using headphones. That having been said, it's one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised by this...

I'm sorry for the delay in my posting of late. I got laid off a little while ago, and most of my time has been spent trying to fix that situation. In addition, this is the first post coming to you from the new build of my computer (which conveniently died the other day). I do have a few posts that I'll be getting up in the coming days, so keep an eye out!

In the meantime, I'll start you off with something that is near and dear to my life these days. I found an article in the New York Times the other day, about people like me that went to a top-tier culinary programme, only to find themselves working in some other industry, or working in a place that they don't really want to be at, because the weight of the student debt is particularly heavy. While I have a good amount of debt that came with my schooling, I still think things could have been much worse, and I did come out of the whole thing with some mad skillz in the kitchen. Now I just have to figure out where to take it...

These days, your Rabbi has been all over the busy. As weird as it may seem, in the course of one and a half weeks, both my cell phone and my computer have died. The cell phone was replaced, but since all my numbers were in the computer, that will take a little bit more time. I've managed to get everything up and running, so I can continue to keep in touch with people, job search, and do what needs to be done to plan for my upcoming wedding.

However, these past few weeks have been very busy, and full of travel. I started in New York City, visiting my brother, his wife, and their new daughter. Then I went out to Austin to visit the fiancee's brother, his wife, and their new daughter (and their slightly older daughter, who I admittedly love to death). Now I'm back in the land of pinko commie liberal hippies, visiting some friends from culinary school. I'll head back to D.C. early next week, and then take a quick jaunt up to upstate New York for a wedding recognisance mission.

Today, though, I must admit it's very cool, and somewhat surreal to be back in the Bay Area again. I sometimes forget how beautiful this area is, and also how crazy it is. In some ways, the area hasn't changed a bit, and in other ways, it's phenomenally different. I've been looking forward to this trip for a little while, so watch for more updates. Next week, I'll also post a bunch of pictures that have been piling up on my camera.

Well, as usual, it's been a while. Between my job searching, my traveling, my wedding planning, and fixing my bathroom sink, I've been swamped lately. Now, we've finally turned the corner on the most meddlesome part of planning a wedding: invitations. This leads to my first rant of the evening.

Why is it that Microsoft has to make everything so damn complicated? We have about 153 invitations going out, each with two envelopes. I figured that I could just set up an envelope document in Word (where each "page" would be an envelope layout), then just stick a stack of our envelopes in the printer, and print the whole thing all at once. As I found out, Word doesn't support that, so we had to do each envelope one at a time. Pain in the ass, I say. Now, I know what you're thinking - why didn't you just use labels? Well, put plainly, because my fiancee is weird. I wanted to, since each page prints thirty addresses, but well, there comes a point when you just can't understand what the hell brought you to this point in the first place.

Second, I've recently come to the conclusion that the majority of people in this world are simply too stupid to breathe. As evidence of this, I put forward the iPhone. Can we please stop talking about this on every site, at every minute of the day? I've watched people spend hours or even days in line, waiting to spend $600 on a phone that has yet to prove itself. It's not like you're waiting in line for tickets to an incredible concert or something that you know will sell out in a matter of minutes. You're waiting in line to buy a phone. A particularly expensive phone at that. An expensive phone that has never been proven in the marketplace. As anyone that has any experience with anything electronic will tell you, you never buy the first version of anything. Wait a while, until Apple fixes the inevitable problems, and then buy the next version. It's incredibly stupid. Personally, I prefer the jPhone

Well, it certainly has been a while. During the two and a half months since my last posting here I sealed the deal and went and got married. During this time, I obviously had some higher priorities than blogging, so I went about taking care of them. Now, after our wedding, our "mini-moon" in the finger lakes region of New York state, my cousin's wedding, and the Jewish holidays, things are finally starting to settle down, so I'm back.

The wedding went off really well, if I may say so myself. Besides our Rabbi and band being late, everything came together nicely. Not bad for a project manager turned chef! The ceremony was really nice, and the party was pretty hopping! Even a certain disgracefully aging gentleman was seen actually enjoying himself! Pictures are being sorted, and will be up in the photo gallery before too long. Now that I'm back around and back to usual tricks, I thought I'd offer a few thoughts on weddings, married life, etc. (not that you asked, but then again, everyone is entitled to my opinion).

In the beginning came the proposal. Shortly thereafter I expressed my desire to elope. Not because I wanted to shirk family, religion, etc. but because I thought it would be more special for the two people that counted most - us. Needless to say, the woman didn't really cotton to that idea, and we wound up planning a wedding. Of course, the whole planning process was an eye-opening experience. I learned a lot about the way that people behave (or don't behave, depending on your viewpoint) in situations like this. The woman and I went out of our way to minimise the cost for guests and participants, yet that didn't stop people from complaining, or from simply taking advantage of my good nature. Then again, there were some individuals that I learned are really close friends and confidants, no matter what my relationship with them is. All in all, I think I learned a lot about people in this whole venture.

During my morning news roundup today, I came across this article from the BBC News Service. It seems that this guy in North Carolina, who had his leg amputated above the knee, stored his leg in a smoker, so that he "could be buried whole." The smoker was stored in a storage unit, and the man fell behind on his payments for that unit. As such, the storage facility auctioned off his belongings and all the contents, including the leg.

Now the man who bought the smoker is claiming that he is the rightful owner of the leg, and he stands to make a good amount of money from it (given that Halloween is coming). Naturally the leg's former owner disagrees. It's obvious to me that the man doesn't live in North Carolina anymore, because if he did, the fight would be over the smoker, not the leg...

Note: Some of the images linked to below are somewhat suggestive (although quite tame). As such, please exercise caution if reading in an office. These links are marked with an NSFW notation.

When people find out that I’m a professional chef, they usually react by asking me one of two questions: What is your favourite restaurant in D.C.? or Who is your favourite chef on the Food Network? It’s somewhat irritating, but it’s something I’ve gotten used to. Recently, I was talking with some people about the state of television in general, so I thought I’d air my thoughts about the Food Network, and some of the “celebrity chefs” that make the rounds there.

Overall, the Food Network is a huge disappointment these days. It seems that the entire channel has jumped the shark. The last network to do this so spectacularly was MTV. Remember when the M actually stood for “music?” Now there’s nothing but ridiculous game and dating shows, and they’ve really backed away from their core mission. At its heart, the Food Network seems to be doing the same thing. Now, let me dispense with one thing right away: my objections to the current Food Network programming have nothing to do with my being a professional chef. I’m not objecting because the programming is “beneath my level.” I’m objecting because I believe the Food Network is straying from what originally made it great: education.

The real reason that people watch the food Network in the first place is to learn something. Whether that something is how to make a soufflé, or what the differences and merits are of different kinds of charcoal, the goal is the same – learning something that you didn’t know before, that will be useful to you in some way. There were lots of times when I’d have the Food Network on in the background as I worked from home, as I used to do before I became a chef. Now I wouldn’t even consider it.

There seems to have been a real tectonic shift of late and some of the “old dinosaurs” of the network (Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, etc.) are being phased out in favour of younger, “fresher” people that, while physically attractive, have a troubling lack of experience working with food. Again, this is not a huge invective about how Rachael Ray can’t cook (that will come later), as much as it shows a real shift in focus network-wide that I find troubling. Instead of a focus on food, there is a preponderance of reality shows meant to pick various food personalities, Iron Chefs, etc. I mean, for Christ’s sake, Al Roker has a show on the Food Network. AL ROKER! He’s not even a food eater these days; he’s just a weatherman, and a bad one at that. As for Rachael Ray, she needs to concentrate on learning how to cook; not just running several shows, magazines, and men’s magazine photo shoots (see here, here, and here – NSFW). I really do hope that they get their act together and get back to what made them big in the first place, even if they do have to hire some new celebrity chefs to do it. It's worth noting, however, that there are aspects of their current stock (and old guard) that have not been explored. For example, Mario Batali regularly does segments for PBS where he explores his other great passion: Spain & Spanish food (weird, huh? Did you know he also has a line of grilling cookbooks, especially one that caters to NASCAR fans?). To me, this is a whole untapped area of expertise...

As some of you may remember a while back, I posted a video that was a ghetto version of the Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special. While it was incredibly offensive, I found it incredibly funny. Well, seeing how it's Halloween today, and last night ABC aired It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!, I thought I'd post a ghetto version of that special as well. While I'm at it, I missed Ramadan, so the Ghetto Charlie Brown Ramadan special is included as well for no extra charge! :-)

It's also worth noting that these are super NSFW, and generally in very poor taste, so if you're in an office, use headphones or turn your volume way down (or just wait until you get home). You've been warned. That having been said, this is some of the funniest shit I've seen in a while...

Yesterday I witnessed something extremely bizarre. As some of you know, I've recently started working at a local brewery here in our nation's capital for some side income. Yesterday, there was a fairly large party that came in for dinner and drinks. During the course of their sojourn there, they would occasionally break into a large cheer while looking up at one of the several televisions on the floor. Since I was working, and couldn't see the tv's I assumed that they we're cheering for a team, and watching a sports game (most likely football), as that's what's normally on those tv's. I had the occasion to go out on the floor, and to my utter astonishment, those idiots were watching Hardball with Chris Matthews.

Setting aside the fact that Chris Matthews is a moron who plays a journalist on tv (really, the man is a complete fraud - check out his bio sometime), who cheers for one of these televised screaming matches? What a bunch of pinko commie liberal hippies. I guess I'm just not the Washington type. Really, all these clowns I run into around town (especially Democrats) all think they're saving the world, and none of them realise just how intellectually vapid they are. I mean seriously, there is absolutely zero thought and intellectual realism in their arguments. The Republicans can be just as bad too. They defend ideologies and policies that are so damn low on the totem pole (given all the problems we face), but still think I'm wrong to advocate a more intellectual approach. I actually think things through, and while my reactions to things may not be the most popular (or popular at all, for that matter), they are always the right response (in terms of what is best course of action).

People like Chris Matthews just foster a climate where people compete not for who has the best ideas, but simply who can scream the loudest. This type of environment leads to a world where we substitute shrillness for intellectualism. We either need to collectively start thinking again, or I guess I just have to get out of this town, as it just simply isn't me...

It's been a while since I last posted here. Things have been busy, and to be honest, for a while this blog wasn't really working for me. I've recently decided to start my writing again, and I think I'm planning on changing this blog a bit (more on that later). In the meantime, a lot has happened since my last post, so I thought I'd update all y'all.

My last post was toward the end of March. The biggest news I have is that in that time, I've gone from practically unemployed to overemployed. I assisted a few friends of mine in opening a restaurant here in D.C. that focuses on comfort food, with an international flair. Thus far, it seems to be doing pretty well. A writeup on that venture will be coming at some point soon. I'm also working as a professor in the culinary arts programme at Stratford University in Falls Church. During my days, I work as the food service director at Gonzaga College High School (a fairly exclusive Jesuit school here in D.C., with a number of famous alumni). It's an extremely busy job, but a good one that is giving me a lot of good experience and skills.

In addition to my three jobs (yeah, I know, I'm almost Jamaican), I've been trying to get out around town and catch up with some of my disciples around this area. I've also managed to travel to Texas again to spend some time with the family out there, and to attend Amber & Chris's wedding (photos are in the photo gallery).

As I mentioned earlier, I'm planning on retooling this site. The changes to the overall look and feel will not be all that huge, but there will be more of a change in the content. I'll let all y'all know as I put things in place. Please bear with me as I attempt to put some newer stuff out here...

While I'm catching all of you up on my life and happenings, I'm afraid I must relay news of the death of Louie, my best friends' English bulldog. Those of you that have either known me for a while or read this site from the beginning know that Louie (in his own distinctive way) had staked his ownership of me, and I was all too happy to oblige. He was a great companion, and even though he wasn't actually my dog, I'm pretty sure he didn't realise it (he seemed just as comfortable with me as he did with his actual owners). Here's to the smoothest of criminals (well, maybe not); I hope you're up there chomping away on the biggest milk-bone you've ever seen.