The Good Rabbi's Blog

Here we are right smack-dab in the middle of the holiday season. This is always a very interesting time for me. On one hand, I have to admit that I love this time of year. People seem to be in a more generous mood, as they invite me into their homes to break bread, listen to the stories of how things are going in my life, and share their whisky with me. Ok, well maybe they don’t intend to share their whisky, but I seem to be a much more dynamic party guest if they do. I’ve always loved the decorations that people put up (even the downright horrifying ones). Nothing says “holiday spirit” like a giant inflatable Santa Claus jack-in-the-box on the front lawn, with enough lights around it that the Federal Aviation Administration becomes concerned.

On the other hand, I always tend to get a little depressed around this time of year as well. Maybe it’s the knowledge that the book is closing on another year, that I still don’t seem to be doing what I want to be doing (or know what it is I want to be doing for that matter), or maybe it’s just that I seem to have run out of Scotch. I just seem to feel like I’ve lost my direction (if there ever was one) around this time of year. While I have always claimed that I can deal with one sucky area of my life, if the other parts are in order, I’m finding it more difficult to differentiate everything, since it all seems to blend together these days.

Professionally, I always used to tell myself that while my IT job may suck, at least I’m not working as a government contractor. Now, I’m working as a government contractor, and while my overall schedule is good, I’m routinely forced into a prisoner’s dilemma. I can either accept a standard of mediocrity and just face a decline of all standards that I once had, or I can keep my current standards, and grow more and more frustrated. I’ve been there for three months now, and I have yet to actually do (or deliver) anything. While some people would love this kind of setup, I grow bored fairly quickly and easily.

I’m currently researching ideas to build my own business, and I think that would give me some serious enjoyment, but at the same time, I have my student debt to pay off, and the fiancée and I don’t really anticipate staying in the Washington, D.C. area, so I’m not sure that it’s a good idea to put a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears into setting up a business here. I simply don’t know how portable a business in the culinary industry can be (it should be noted, that for all I know, it could be very portable).

In the movie Almost Famous, the young Cameron Crowe is counseled by a sage reporter (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman), that he shouldn’t worry so much about those people that “persecute” him in school or on the road. He will see them again on “the great race back to the middle.” After a certain point in life, it seems that people start this slow, comfortable, mental decline. People get comfortable, and start doing the same things over and over again, and before they know it, they’re retired, and wondering what happened to their lives.

This is my biggest fear in life. I love to continually challenge myself, mentally, professionally, and personally. I am very afraid that I’ll get “stuck” in a routine that, while rewarding in some sense, will ensure that I never really accomplish anything of real substance. Now let’s be clear about one thing here. I’m not looking to be the next Bill Gates, or Mario Batalli. But right now, I’m working at my current job in order to pay off my student loans (so that sense of mission and responsibility is what keeps me going in this job). Once that has been accomplished, I will have gotten married, and the fiancée has made no secret that she would like to start a family. At that point, I will need to be able to reliably support any little Rabbis that might be in the picture, and the temptation to choose comfort over challenge will be great.

Now this is not to say that I have any worries about getting married, or starting a family. This is also not to say that I will not derive tremendous enjoyment out of both of these anticipated future events. This is to say that I personally believe that the greatest example I can set (especially for any little Rabbis in the future) would be to continually challenge myself, and not to choose the comfortable routine.

My biggest fear in life, is that at the end of the day, I will not live up to my own potential. There are many different avenues that will be presented to me, and I’ll have to figure out what is the best way forward. With all these options, only one thing is clear: I’m gonna need a lot of spiritual advice before this is over…

Merry Christmas, y'all...