The Good Rabbi's Blog

First, being that I've been the wandering Jew of late (in that I've generally moved around a lot), I wonder how it is that no matter where I live, Ed McMahon always knows my address. Thus far, I've been solicited for a membership in AARP, told I might have won the American Family sweepstakes, and generally been invited to participate in a whole host of causes that he holds dear. I swear, that man is evil. He can't be killed with conventional weaponry...

Second, why is it that whenever someone drops something (in a loud manner), some dickhead has to applaud? I work in a professional kitchen, and as you might imagine, people are dropping things all the time there. Sheet pans, pots, sixty-five chicken breasts, etc. As expected, EVERY TIME, somebody has to applaud. Why do people do that? Why can't they be killed with conventional weaponry?

Third, can someone please explain Keith Richards? If there's one thing for certain, after the nuclear holocaust, all that will be left are cockroaches, my friend Peter's wine collection (which is conveniently located in our bunker, because what's worth doing is worth doing right), and Keith Richards. It's like that episode of the Simpsons where Mr. Burns has every possible disease you can have, and they're all held in check by each other. Keith RIchards has the same deal, I think. He can't be killed by any weaponry.

Finally, what exactly is gefilte fish and why are we alone (as Jews) burdened with eating it (with respect to a disgracefully aging gentleman who originally asked that question)? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a chef, and I know what gefilte fish is supposed to be, but I'm referring to what is floating in that weird jelly inside a jar of Mrs. Adlers (or some other brand) of store-bought gefilte fish. That jelly really worries me...