The Good Rabbi's Blog

To this end, I have a very simple three-point scale for judging christmas light displays. Driving around and judging lighting displays is one of my favourite things to do (yes I know I'm Jewish, but Madonna is Catholic, and that doesn't stop her from "learning" Kabbalah, now does it?). My scale is simple, so I'll describe it for you.

At the top of the scale, the best possible rating is tasteful. These are people who recognise the constraints of their house, their lights, and their neighbours. These are the houses that you drive by and say, Ahh, that's a nice looking house. The lights are usually all in one colour, or the colours go very well together. As you might suspect, these houses are few and far between (though they do exist).

One step below the tasteful grade is the middle rating of whore-house. There's a fine line between tasteful and whore-house, but you'll know when you've crossed the line. This grade is used primarily for lots of blinking lights. These are the houses that make you think dear god, I'm glad I'm not epileptic. Blinking lights, by the way, are different from twinkling lights. The blinking lights make you think that it looks like a whore-house. I just codified that for you. See? Just another way your Rabbi is working to make this world a better place.

Finally, at the bottom of the scale is the rating of FAA Violation. These are the houses that require their own special power grid for the holiday season. Those houses that think that you have to put more lights up to make a point. I'm not just talking about your standard McMansions either, that require more lights because they're bigger. These are the houses where people think that every possible square inch of space must be covered with something, including the lawn. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, but Rabbi, the lawn "art" has to account for something, right?, and I'd tell you, that you're mistaken. Lawn art automatically earns a rating of FAA Violation. In all my years of looking at christmas decorations, I have only seen ONE house that used lawn art tastefully, and it had nothing to do with christmas (there's also a house in Manassas, VA that has a Buddha on the lawn, and it works for the property and the location. Besides, I like Buddhas, and I gave it to them, so it doesn't count).

As a way of illustrating my rating system, I have some pictures that I've taken over the years of bad Christmas lights. These pictures were taken in Connecticut, the Washington, DC metropolitan area, and the Bay area of northern California. I have a ton of pictures, but I selected only the most picturesque and put them in my photo gallery.

Also, I thought it worth mentioning that I am giving this year's Good Rabbi award (hell, if that J.D. Power guy can give awards to everybody, why can't I?) to a certain guy that has put together a pretty awesome display. As for rating, it borders between whore-house and FAA Violation, but what makes it so cool is that he choreographed it to a musical soundtrack. At first, I thought this was bogus, but I did some research into it, and as it turns out, he does this every year. You can check out his display here. Party on, Garth!